Challenge 1: Run 14 miles around Lake Monona

Unsuccessful.

right: biking the run

Challenge 2: Eat 2.4 tasty treats at the Dane County Farmers’ Market

Hugely successful. This one was a sure-thing for me. The Dane Country Farmers’ Market is one of the biggest and best markets in the Midwest. It takes place every Saturday morning on the Madison capitol square, and in addition to produce, dairy, flowers, honey, and beef, there are baked goods! Between Karen and me, we had two scones, an oatmeal raisin cookie, a rhubarb pie slice, a beef stick, and some pesto cheese curds. We also met two very nice vendors with penchants for hats—Honey Hat Man and Chicken Head. In order to get our pictures taken with them, we had to buy their wares, but it was definitely worth it.  Karen delighted in getting her ass pinched by Honey Hat Man while I snapped a quick picture. 

Challenge 3: Tour the Wisconsin State Capitol Building

Successful and educational. The Wisconsin State Capitol is one of those great old buildings you always say you should tour but never do. I thought my birthday challenge was the perfect excuse to get it done. The tour started promptly at 9 a.m., ironically with Tour Guide Janelle who recognized me as her UW–Madison orientation guide from my college days. We visited each of the four wings of the Capitol, and thus the four branches of government. We sat in the Supreme Court, visited the governor’s conference room, rubbed the nose of the capitol’s badger statue for good luck, and finally climbed to the top of the dome to look out over Madison.

pics: the honey hat man gettin' friendly, at the top of the capitol, unicycling nowhere fast

Challenge 4: Ride a unicycle around the block 2.4 times

Technically unsuccessful, but very funny! Growing up, my Dad, brother, and I would ride our unicycles together around the block like a little circus family. I hadn’t ridden in more than 10 years, but my Dad had always told me that unicycling is a skill you never lose. The first challenge was to find a unicycle. Mine was at my parent’s house near Milwaukee, so I needed to locate one in Madison. We went to the Budget Bicycle Center’s used showroom, found an old Schwinn unicycle, and acting interested in making a purchase, requested a test drive. The salesman inflated the tires, set the seat height, and let me go. I promptly pedaled two rotations, fell off, and the unicycle crashed to the ground. The commotion brought the bike guy back over to tell me that it was in fact a vintage 1967 unicycle I was “test-riding” and that it would be best if I didn’t drop it again. With my confidence shaken and the eyes of many bike guys upon me, I was unable to summon the unicycle skills of my youth. I took about five goes at it, got half a block, and called the challenge off. I didn’t get around the block 2.4 times, but I did make a spectacle out of myself.

right: lunch at relish

Challenge 5: Eat at 2.4 new restaurants

Amazingly unsuccessful. I thought the eating would be easy. We knocked off the first new restaurant without a problem—lunch at Relish on Monroe Street. Karen and I split a muffuletta and moved on in less than 30 minutes. Restaurant number two was the Moosejaw in the Wisconsin Dells (read on for more details). But that was it. We never got to the 0.4 place. Damn. 

Challenge 6: Bike to the New Glarus Brewing Company (54 miles roundtrip) and sample 2.4 beers

Success. At noon we set off for the New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wis. By this time my brother Kelly was up for the day (though extremely hung over) and joined in the fun. The outbound ride was 27 miles through the rainy hills of central Wisconsin. When we finally arrived at the brewery, we took a quick audio tour before sampling 2.4 quality beers, including my all-time favorite, Spotted Cow. The trip home was somewhat eventful as my drunken ass (j/k) blew a tire. Luckily, I have mad tire-changing skills and was able to fix it in no time.

pics: it's beer time!, sampling some spotted cow, fixing a flat

Challenge 7: Eat 2.4 servings of ice cream

Debatable. With the bike behind us, we quickly regrouped and jumped in the car for the hour-long drive to Devil’s Lake State Park in Baraboo, Wis. We stopped at McDonald’s along the way for the first of 2.4 servings of ice cream.  The next serving was enjoyed during the Blair Witch Project, but I would argue that this was actually equivalent to1.4 servings.  Karen disagrees.  I eat ice cream every day however, so I think I should know.  Let’s consider this one a success. 

Challenge 8: Drive to Devil’s Lake State Park and hike 2.4 miles

Success, plus some. Devil’s Lake State Park bills itself as Wisconsin’s premiere natural vacation destination. Its 500-foot cliffs, 30 miles of hiking trails, and lake proved to be the perfect place to complete my hiking and swimming challenges. When we arrived at the park, we were running considerably behind schedule. The plan was to be hiking by 4:30 p.m. We didn’t set out until closer to 6:30 p.m. Worse yet, our planned 2.4-mile hike became much longer when Kelly decided to turn our jaunt into a long and grueling hike around the lake. All said, however, it was a great six-plus-mile expedition. The views were beautiful and we got to see the sunset as well as little old people dancing to polka in a park shelter. Ahhh…Wisconsin. Love it.

pics: w/ kelly atop the bluffs at devil's lake, on the descent, how many miles was that?, and various stages of drunk and scared

Challenge 9: Swim 2.4 miles

Failure, but a noble attempt. Since we were already there, Devil’s Lake seemed the perfect venue for the swim. But by 9 p.m., the sky was pitch black, the air was cold, my muscles were tired, and I was hungry. I contemplated skipping this challenge altogether, but thought better of it. Karen and I made what was admittedly a cursory attempt at the swim. I took a solid 2.4 strokes before heading for shore.

Challenge 5 (continued): Eat at 2.4 new restaurants

Out of the water and into dry clothes, we were now very hungry. But we were also very close to the Wisconsin Dells. The Dells is like a combination of the worst aspects of Las Vegas and Dollywood. It proudly promotes itself as the “Waterpark Capital of the World,” and it technically is with a total of 18 indoor waterpark properties—the highest concentration of these facilities in the world. So even though we were tired and hungry, we scooped the Wisconsin Dells loop on our way to dinner at the Moosejaw Pizza and Dells Brewing Company. At 11 p.m., after some cheese bread, Diet Cokes, and pizza, and sporting our new Moosejaw antler headwear, we were back in the car for the return trip to Madison.

Challenge 10: Watch the Blair Witch Project

Done. The challenge of the Blair Witch Project was to make it through what I believe is a terrifying film. Any scary movie is a horror flick in my book, and the Blair Witch Project is certainly no exception. The movie began just after midnight. Armed with a bowl of ice cream (see Challenge 7) and a quilt to cover my eyes, I was surprised I was not more scared. In truth, staying awake proved a harder task than stifling my terror.

Challenge 11: Run 2.4 miles of trails in the University of Wisconsin Arboretum in the dark

A good-faith effort. To cap off the Blair Witch Project and my challenge day, I wanted to run 2.4 miles on the trails in the Arboretum. Due to my apparent stress fracture, we turned this into a night hike, which proved to be both a physical and mental challenge. Kelly, Karen, and I walked toward the Arboretum at 2 a.m. None of us believed we would actually get in the 2.4 miles, but all felt it was important to at least “show up” for the challenge. Upon our arrival, we were heckled by some drunk college students. This as Karen had decided to wear her Moosejaw antlers. The clever students yelled out, “We’ve got reindeer out tonight!” Moving on, we entered the woods by trail only to have Kelly turn out his headlamp, which drove Karen and me back out of the woods, promptly ending the challenge. 

Even though I didn’t technically complete all of my birthday challenges, it was a great day that brought many new adventures and hilarious moments with two of my closest friends. I would like to thank Karen and Kelly for supporting me during the 22 hours of challenge fun. When I was weak, tired, scared, drunk, or stupid, they were there to help.  I couldn’t have done it without them (tear). Also, I want to thank Steve Edwards for providing the dream and his continual support and encouragement.